View the 2016 Dallas Cowboys draft results. I am not even from Texas.
3.

As far as he’s concerned, this team’s only job is produce TV content, regardless of quality.

The latest news, video, standings, scores and schedule information for the Dallas Cowboys

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$700M. No, we have to get a full five-act Greek tragedy before we can get there, ‘cuz these are the Cowboys, and the Cowboys never do anything, including lose, casually. Seriously, I’ve never seen anything more impotent and sad than watching Jason Garrett cower away from Greg Hardy during his sideline tirade last year against the Giants. Condition is Brand New. AND you signed Alfred Morris!

The majority of the fans who show up for the games get equal pleasure from bitching about the team AND being proud of how notorious and well known the Cowboys are, all while actually ignoring most of the game they paid for using their entire 401k. We had a top-5 pick for the first time in decades and we took a player that we could have had at number 25.

He’ll fit right in with this band of idiots. Friday, April 29, 2016- The Cowboys spend their second round pick on a talented, but injured linebacker, who should get healthy just about the time Romo’s back goes supernova and forces his retirement.

Then I remember that the corpse of Darren McFadden averaged 4.6 yards per carry behind our offensive line, and Morris Fucking Claiborne will be taking snaps as a starting cornerback.

... 2016.

You people don’t want us to win. In the pre-season the Cowboys competed in the 2016 Auckland Nines tournament, reaching the quarter-finals. Our coach is an automaton that was genetically engineered by the Jones family to regurgitate banal platitudes that vaguely resemble something like Tom Landry, only without the insight, innovation or general common sense. Winning a game because DeSean Jackson ran backwards. I’ll let someone else — the NFL’s disciplinary office, to be exact — explain the shitshow on the defensive side of the ball. 2. I can’t bear to look.

And yet I will still be forced, Clockwork Orange-style, to watch this team multiple times on national television this season. Qty View All. Because Tony Romo’s collar bone has the structural integrity of a high school science class bridge-building project model made out of day old Olive Garden breadsticks and hot glue.

Money-grubbing geriatric carnival barker jackass. What might not suck: “It’s one of the best offensive lines in the league!” you will say to yourself as the offense bogs down at the opposing 40 and Garrett elects to punt on third down.

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Jerry Jones is a total asshole who has to constantly be held in check by his son, who’s probably also an asshole. The Browns lost a game on a kick six against the team that stole their fucking franchise, and we have the gall to bitch about losing a playoff game almost two years ago?! Because I know that Jerry would still love to sign Johnny Effin Football even if he showed up to the Cowboys offices with a needle hanging out of his arm and a dead hooker in the trunk of the car that he crashed into the light pole on the way in. 2020, 1948 to


Tony Romo breaking his collarbone and then being rushed back by Jerry Jones just in time to break it AGAIN. This is Cowboys Privilege, a concept I have been preaching to my fellow NFL fans about for a while now. I really wish I could stop being a fan of the Cowboys until Jerry dies, but unfortunately that’s just not how fandom works. 1 . Showing 1

You’ve got a family and a decent golf game. I am 26. I legitimately convince myself every few hours that it was actually smart for us to take Ezekiel Elliot over Jalen Ramsey because of how explosive our offense MAY POTENTIALLY be for the next 4-5 years.

The team finished the regular season in 4th, losing in the preliminary final to the eventual premiers, the Cronulla Sharks.

Jason Garrett is going to take three weeks to realize his big free-agent signing sucks, then run poor Ezekiel Elliott 35 times a game until his hamstring combusts in Week 10. That’s how fucked we are.

That’s how much Weeden sucks.

Get away from football, Tony.

And Sean Lee hurt himself AGAIN. You think Pats fans are fucking obnoxious now? Thursday, April 28, 2016- The team spends a top five pick on a running back, a move that goes against all current NFL logic, because the Cowboys say they have only a few years left of Tony Romo and need to add in pieces that can help him get to a Super Bowl. Cowboys. Outside of the Hardy fiasco, last season was notable for the following things: 1.

Because Ezekiel Elliot has already been accused of beating his girlfriend.

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