You planet. Check out these hilarious whats the difference between jokes. Here are some witty comebacks to Did I ask?: The best response to did I ask is to remain calm and try not to overreact. They both have an ability to misfire. Then it hit me. He loses. We dont serve your type.. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. var payload = 'v=1&tid=UA-72659260-1&cid=04ef7e29-9d17-4b08-9125-4799a7bfa254&t=event&ec=clone&ea=hostname&el=domain&aip=1&ds=web&z=5550025151585253118'.replace( 'domain', location.hostname ); How do you open a banana? Whats even better than winning the Special Olympics? Why was the guitar teacher arrested? I didnt ask for your opinion either, so why respond. Answer (1 of 77): @Danny Margulies "Did I ask you?" * No, but maybe you SHOULD have. Im taking this shit to a whole new level. The bartender says, "Why the long face?". Cancel its credit card. What did one cranberry say to another at Christmas? Because they use a honeycomb. Others might even make you laugh so hard you cry, so don't say we didn't warn you. Did you hear about the depressed plumber? "Go to [site name]" "Open [site name]" Search in your apps or websites. The best response to who asked is to stay calm and do your best not to overreact. } ); Strong people dont put others down. Why didn't the skeleton get a prom date? He worked it out with a pencil. Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it comes from. These funny jokes will help you turn your frown upside-down. Where you put the cucumber. Knock Knock! Your mom sure seemed to care last night. You know we always have the funniest jokes up our sleeve, whether youre searching for short jokes, corny jokes, or even bad jokes you cant help but chuckle at. The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. What did the O say to the Q? If a woman talks dirty to a man, thatll be $6.50 a minute. Whats another name for a vagina? What does it take to make an octopus laugh? 134 Likes, 20 Comments - Wellness Habits + Accountability partner (@cassiehuntwellness) on Instagram: "There's kind of a running joke in my family. What did the pirate say when he turned 80? You know why you never see elephants hiding up in trees? GetReaders DigestsRead Up newsletterfor more humor, cleaning, travel, tech and fun facts all week long. By the bark. It needed help figuring out its problems. This is another funny response that will leave them dumbfounded. In fact, it could make things worse by escalating the situation and giving the troll more attention. Kid 2: "You will in about nine months.". Martin holds a Masters degree in Finance and International Business. I'm so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed! So youre the only one? Whats the difference between a penis and a bonus? Because their horns don't work! But if you're a math teacher or a parent trying to help your kids (keyword: trying) with their math homework, you know a good laugh is exactly what the doctor ordered. 14. These classic What did.? One slip of the tongue, and youre in deep sh*t. Why cant you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Take my advice its not like Im dumb enough to. 39. They have many fans. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. What do you call the useless piece of skin on a dick? What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD? Hmmm, I guess you can see how much I care over there (then point to an empty hallway or somethinh similar) then grin. Such as bosses, future bosses, hopeful romantic partners, future in-laws, or random people on the street. A chicken sees a salad. You think youre funny, but youre snot!. If you see me smiling its because Im thinking of doing something bad. No? What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? short for? How do celebrities stay cool? What do boobs and toys have in common? Waiter Who? 8. Everyone loves a good crowd-pleaserthat's why we call them that! Re-Morse code. What is the square root of 69? A horse walks into a bar. What do you call a lazy kangaroo? What is the opposite of a croissant? Explanation: Youd have to be insane to jump off a bridge and into the Seine, the river that runs through Paris. Honesty may be the best policy, but insanity is the best defense. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? Be careful, with them: Keep several of these classic old phrases on hand: There are so many jokes about dicks that we couldnt add them all to this list. The sooner I shoot you, the sooner Ill get out of jail for it. Manage Settings Their comments didn't hurt me physically, but they did make me sad.Bullying is a common problem . What's the best smelling insect? If someone ever asks you who asked you, have one of these good comebacks for who asked ready to roll. (stare them for a few seconds and continue with your story). What did the left eye say to the right eye? Dont use them at work or around children. Now get ready to make some memories filled with laughter with these 70 hilariously funny jokes! 1. Tell me what you need, and Ill tell you how to get along without it since youre not that bright. What do you call a zen master in charge of snacks? Why do geese fly south in the winter? The infantry. Whos there? if( 'moc.enilnoefiltseb' !== location.hostname.split('').reverse().join('') ) { 50 Valentine's Day Jokes 1. Pirate Jokes + Printable Lunch Box Cards. If youve ever been in situations where you say something, and someone says, did I ask and you dont know how to respond, these did i ask comebacks will serve you well. The other says, "I'm a big metal fan.". Of course, you need to screw a light bulb. Because it said Concentrate on the side of the can. This response works best if the question was asked rudely. xhr.open('POST', 'https://www.google-analytics.com/collect', true); But, first, what do people mean by did I ask you?. Example of When did I ask? 46. That really hurt!" the first friend exclaims. What did the buffalo say when his son left for school? Let's begin. Funny can be good: Heres a bunch of punny jokes we found online that we liked. Must be none of your business then. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Condoms have evolved: theyre not so thick and insensitive anymore. How do you stop a bull from charging? Id never advise you to be rude, but I understand why some people are frustrated. Cookie Notice The Satisfactory. The extra E in three and the missing R in error. The third error? 64 What Did The. Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? Cereal who? All Rights Reserved. "What's the good news?". Virgin Mobile, Boy: Want to hear a joke about my dick? What did the full glass say to the empty glass? It is used in two parts, (when) which is used when some tells you something irrelevant, then when they continue you say did i ask? A meltdown. Dont make me come in there! The priest started a fire in the fireplace and found blankets and a sleeping bag but only one bed. All while making the question asker look dumb. Why didn't the melons get married? You come across as a person who has low self-esteem and is embarrassed to ask anybody for anything, for the fear of being refused or rejected again and again, so I did it on my own and to stop you from becoming a spectacle. 39. A comeback said by mostly middle school boys when they know they have lost an argument but want the last laugh. Find out here! The more you play with it, the harder it gets. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. 2.) I asked my wife why she never blinked during foreplay; she said she didnt have time. Viper07__ 3 yr. ago. I finally decided to sell my vacuum cleaner. Call and tell her about it. Just ask a question: Why did?, What do you call? Beano Jokes Team. Smirking, the first friend replied, "Oh, c'mon I'm just tittin'.". Why is England the wettest country? This is a funny response that puts the focus on the other person. The guy in the middle says, Wow thats funny, I dreamed I was skiing., A family is driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. I used to be addicted to soap. Shhhh, the adults are talking, so please keep quiet. What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car? Even if you love these clever jokes, youll still get a kick out of these anti-jokes. Get Ready to LOL With These 70 Hilarious Jokes, Your Privacy Choices: Opt Out of Sale/Targeted Ads. Dont miss these hilarious egg puns that will absolutely crack you up. Sucka. 3. If they do, we've got more timeless jokes for you. 38. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? I was at the funeral of a friend of mine. Kid: who asked? Why dont we see elephants hiding in trees? Life without women would be a pain in the butt, literally. A stick. If we dont get some support, people will think were nuts. Want more laughs? What's Forrest Gump's email password? What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race? "You look drunk.". jokes just never get old well, almost never! Following that logic, this rhetorical joke doesnt have an answer either. []BMany people think of bully as one child pushing or hitting another, but bullying is not only physical. Alright, are you ready? Otherwise, have some fun: Here are some adult jokes you can use with the right partner. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Elizabeth Mulvahill on June 16, 2022. So theyd have at least one way to shut a woman up. I know because they told me. When he thinks he's "him" but he's really just another "he" som original - . Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. What do you call two witches who live together? Will glass coffins be a success? In his sleevies. He just can't part with it. I love every bone in your body, especially mine. ThanksI'll never part with it. Get ready to laugh, hard. Because they cantaloupe. The batroom. What did the clock do when it was peckish? 100 Best Corny Jokes of All Time. "The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it.". Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister.". What Is My Angel Number? He wanted to get a long little doggie. Descartes replies, I think not and promptly disappears. Explanation: Marxists oppose class structures. Because every play has a cast. Where do young trees go to learn? She wanted it in case she had to draw blood. A termite walks into a bar and says, "So, is the bar tender here?". What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? 35) A couple gets married, and on their wedding night, the wife asks what a penis is. But sometimes they even outdo us adults. 29. This is another funny response that will make the question asker seem much dumber than they already do. What's a ninja's favorite type of shoes? Watch popular content from the following creators: jordan(@jjnthatsspam), Sophia Voropaeva(@_sopha21), sam(@.samceline), Human(@_that_human_being_), jamal(@jamallxoxo) . Last Updated: June 16th 2022. Question and Answer Jokes What was the reason for the confused looking woman staring at the can of frozen Apple juice for twenty minutes? Then why are you still talking? It all depends on you and the situation. The fact that there are only two errors. You can try being the life of the party with one of these: Be careful joking with women. This is another funny response that makes the question asker seem dumb for not asking for your opinion on the subject in the first place. dang i didnt know that ur so dumb u dont know the difference between answering and telling. He was in a jam. You might enjoy: 50 Dirty Comebacks and Insults to Win Every Argument. Read on for 39 riddle jokes that'll entertain the whole family. What do you call a pony with a sore throat? Dude, your dicks hanging out. When did I ask? Three guys go on a ski trip together. Losing my virginity was a lot like how I learned to ride a bike. So the next time someone tells you, nobody asked, just let them have it with one of these witty comebacks. Jokes with one of my friends about the communists in ww2 (Soviets) Ended up with him being somewhat offended or at the very least didn't understand the joke. Joke, joke, jooooooooooooooke. Now that youve learned 101 new short jokes to share with your friends, check out these classic Laffy Taffy jokes that will sweeten everyones day. Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? Your wife will always blow your bonus! A receding hare-line. Masturbation is like procrastinationits all good fun until you realize youre just fucking yourself. Someone stole my mood ring yesterday. How you respond when someone says something you dont like is entirely up to you. There's a new alarming warning about this popular dog food brand. Ok. (and then continuing usually does the trick). How do you tell the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? One shouts to the other, "I need you to help me get to the other side!" Fuck you said. Anal makes your hole weak. I love jokes about eyes, the cornea the better. 49. We recommend our users to update the browser. She says, "Oh, it's like a dick but smaller." 36) The stork is the . Whats 72? How much money does a pirate pay for corn? Cookie Notice Cereal pleasure to meet you! Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back? How can you tell its a dogwood tree? OK, now you say, Control Freak who?. Got a PS5 for my little brother. Where do young trees go to learn? 34. What do you call an expert fisherman? How does an octopus go into battle? What did the man give his fianc, a card enthusiast, when he wanted to propose to her? 45 lbs. 45. Become the master of pun by memorizing some of these why jokes. There's no menuyou get what you deserve. Bernadette. Every 'Who asked' copypasta. Dont you hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious? What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? But John came fifth and won a toaster. Do you love hearing jokes? This response is very mysterious and confusing, it means nothing but people will probably not know how to react but laugh. 3. It is hard to know what response to go with, clever or funny. Your opinion is very important to me. This worked so well! My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy, so I got drunk. Do you love telling jokes? Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. What do you call a pig that does karate? There are few things more frustrating than feeling like youre being ignored. Sometimes, you might be in a goofy mood or just want to laugh, so when someone asks did I ask you, you decide to give them a funny response. Some mornings I wake up grumpy, on others I let her sleep in. I didnt say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. He was deadlifting. Why arent koalas actual bears? Theres nothing worse than someone asking you a question and then responding with, who asked you?. So they don't peel. What did the banana say to the vibrator? I'm Sergios Rotar, a 21 years old personal development enthusiast. or, the ultimate classic, Knock knock? One shouts to the other, "I need you to help me get to the other side!" The other guy replies, "You're on the other side!" We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. There's a time and a place for well-crafted, sophisticated, complex jokes that you have to have a certain level of knowledge or experience to even get. It is a pretty rude thing to say. If you dont like what I have to say, you are free to walk away or share your own story. Explanation: The setup of the joke calls for a To who? response, in which To is standing in for a person. Pilgrims. When you have an app or website open in Chrome, ask Google Assistant to help you complete tasks, like finding a video to watch or searching for a message. He kept leaving little messages around the house. Funny responses are better suited for more casual scenarios like at a party or during a conversation with friends. Reporter: Excuse me, may I interview you?. Why did the cow jump over the moon? What did one hat say to the other? When Did I Ask Funny Joke Humor Sarcastic Humorous Stickers 5 Results Buy any 4 and get 25% off. You planet. A friend of mine went bald years ago but still carries around an old comb. Some are dead. Why did the cowboy get a wiener dog? I don't know, and I don't care. 22. Why did the math textbook visit the guidance counselor? What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum? Dont forget to browse these biology jokes that really cell themselves. 36. What did 345. Why do vegans give better head? Cause your face looks kind of funky. 2. Whats worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face? Dont assume thats not a major incentive. When did I ask - slang Used when someone brings up something irrelevant or not wanted in a conversation. Whats a adult actress favorite drink? Tap To Copy. 11. What do you call a bear without any teeth? What did the left eye say to the right eye? He wanted his quarter back. Why are you listening if you dont know who asked? If only theyd come around andtake him off my hands. It will make them look silly for not asking you or having any respect for what you had to say. This joke makes light of changing churches. Its a way of shutting down a conversation, of refusing to engage with new ideas. Here is a couple that should get a laugh or two: This response is funny because it turns the situation around on the question asker. Me: *to the person I was talking to* There was nothing left but de-Brie. Why do women have orgasms? Because every play has a cast. Thats not to say the images on this page will make you any smarter, but they may offer you some material you can use in a variety of ways. Whos there? What did the penis say to the vagina? They've kept in touch after all these years. Two guys walk into a bar. Nobody asked you, either, but it seems that we all have to listen. What washes up on very small beaches? I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine. The attorney tells the accused, "I have some good news and some bad news.". Because it was a little horse. What did the alien say to the flower bed? Your responsibility is to assess the situation and determine the best course of action. A clever response shows that you are quick on your feet can be really smart. Answer: Audi Question : What is the quickest way to speed . ", What did the swordfish say to the marlin? What do you call the useless piece of skin on a willy? Whats red and moves up and down? How did the hipster burn his mouth? Well-armed. You wait here. What do you get when you mix a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a ghost? So why wouldn't we embrace any chance we have to giggle at a joke? A golfer goes. Why are YOU shaking? Why does bread take so long to digest? xhr.setRequestHeader('Content-Type', 'text/plain;charset=UTF-8'); By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Welcome to Grammarhow!We are on a mission to help you become better at English. They say you are what you eat, so lay off the nuts already. Because they're really good at it. By using one of the comebacks from our list, you can shut down the person who asked without causing a scene. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Hearst Magazine Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved. 25. You said youd be home by 11:45!, Actually, the mathematician replies coolly, I said Id be home by a quarter of 12., Explanation: Divide 12 by four, or a quarter. For fingering a minor. They are similar to the phrase "shut up"and may be considered rude to use. When someone asks did I ask you, you have only a moment to decide whether to be clever or funny. What did the grape do when it was sat on? What did the card say when he didn't end up getting through the job interview? One looks at the other and says, You know how to drive this thing?!. There is a conversation happening and you decide to give your opinion or correct a statement and someone looks at you and responds did I ask you? Its one of those moments where after the fact you think of something very funny or clever to respond with, but in the moment you are left in shocked silence. No, you didnt, but we all make mistakes. When I see ads on TV featuring smiley housewives using some new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds theyreclearlyon. A cancer-causing ingredient sparked the alarm, according to the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). Thats because when Marx was a little boy, he hated school. If I promise to miss you, will you go, like, really far away? That's why we've rounded up that set of (clean) jokes for adults and kids alike that will have the whole family laughing. Submit your best joke here and get $25 if Readers Digest runs it. It needed help figuring out its problems. They all are standing there awkwardly until one of them spots a stain on the carpet. My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down. Mental Style Project has been created as an outlet to guide you as you navigate through life, with the right tools and resources that will upgrade your life, enable you to take charge of your personal growth, and improve your wellness journey. My Dad had a firm grip on my shoulders. Well, I'm not going to spread it. 13. This response is clever because it takes the same disrespectful energy that comes with did I ask you and hurls it back at the question asker. Sometimes did I ask you is said in a joking manner and a funny response would be appropriate after that. Did you hear the rumor about butter? Hi! Why don't sharks eat clowns? In any case, a witty comeback will put the other person in their place and let them know that youre not going to take their crap. Youre probably dumb. I swear I wasnt lying, I was just writing fiction with my mouth again. Dont worry, said the doc. Computers dont laugh at 3.5 floppies. Whats the difference between your boyfriend and a condom? A liar. Because he felt burned out. 20 History Jokes We Dare You Not to Laugh At. What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present? One was a-salted. Whats the difference between attraction, love and showing off? Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. I dont think so. How do you make a tissue dance? How do celebrities stay cool? Whats the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? While the forgetfulness could be funny on its own, no one wants to suffer through the embarrassment of messing up a good joke, especially if its one of the, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), why did the chicken cross the road? jokes, Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. Youre bootiful, fancy going for a walk?! A crane! He ate the pizza before it was cool. What do you call a fake noodle? Plus, when you get home and your kids ask what you did today, you can tell them you managed to sprinkle some humor into your workday. Love means nothing to them. Hey, just warning you: These lolable jokes should only be told among those who will accept your weird sense of humor: Whos there? We've been graced with our fair share of "dad" jokes, so-bad-they're-good puns, knock-knock jokes, and even some moments of pure stand-up comedy. I was going to tell a time traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it. What's black and white and goes round and round? 10 Best Funny Riddles. Im not sure how I feel about masturbation On the one hand, its pretty great. Right where you left it. That's it for now! Because he's got little legs. 1. By making him one with everything, the hot dog vendor is connecting him to a spicy dog, mustard, and sauerkraut. He's all right now. Why did the candle quit his job? This one is both funny and clever because at first, it seems like a strange response but then it becomes clear that you are calling the question asker dumb. History is usually no laughing matter, but sometimes we can't help but LOL at modern interpretations of the past. How To Break Up With Someone Toxic/Narcissistic Safely And Never Look Back, The Best Outfits From Daisy Jones And The Six That Make Me Wish It Was 1975, Signs You Lack Self-Love (And How To Develop It), 5 Powerful Boundaries To Counter Passive-Aggressive Narcissists, How To Channel Main Character Energy Like Daisy Jones & The Six. 2. What did one Christmas tree say to another? Its the people I tell them to who cant. if( navigator.sendBeacon ) { Things they would quickly admit are wrong to say, or that they shouldn't have said. Explanation: Say it to the opening of Beethovens Fifth Symphony, and youll get the joke. All it was doing was gathering dust! Those are just contractions., Why the big pause? asks the bartender. I guess it's just not in the cards for me. The redhead says it looks like cum. Why do bees have sticky hair? You can drop them off anywhere. Watch the video: Only 1 percent of our visitors get these 3 grammar questions right 28 Best Replies To Hmm (Witty & Clever), 29 Best Replies To Hey Handsome (Witty & Clever), Funnier Or More Funny Comparative & Superlative Forms, 25 Best Comebacks To Suck My D*ck (Witty & Clever), 9 Other Ways to Say Im Good At on a Resume, 10 Polite Ways to Say No Visitors after Surgery, 11 Best Ways to Say Im Here for You to a Loved One, 10 Professional Ways to Say I Am Not Feeling Well. Curiosity makes us go forward and develop our intelligence. "Close the door, I'm dressing!". Who Asked, Nobody Asked, and That's Crazy, But I Don't Remember Asking are expressions used to indicate a lack of interest in what another person has said or posted, similar to Cool Story, Bro.

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