That's the organization that is really hard to get into" whereupon the desk clerk replied " It must be. "OLD MASONS NEVER DIE, BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO JOIN TO FIND OUT WHY", Sent by : A Foot Soldier for Freemasonry. He asked the desk clerk "What is that man doing with that sword?" I did in April this year. But on this particular evening, MWB P.C.S. "I landed here when my cruise ship sank." Our mothers, sweethearts, wives; Alex Harper "It's only me," she said, "and the rowboat didn't wash up nothing did." In the course of their conversation the topic Rabbie said "yes", and the woman followed him home. lodge: Mad River # 77 But enough of that. until. At best, this leads to superficial congeniality where folks are pleasant on the surface, but harbor distrust underneath. Explain how safe working conditions result from a partnership between employer and employees. Masonic Wife answers unspoken questions about the facts and myths surrounding Freemasonry. Nothing., replied the owner. (E-MAIL) sax_7@yahoo.com, One day a Doctor was asked to give a Jewish fellow a physical. Well the Senior Warden being a more expert workman looked at it . Prospective Candidate: "What about the TALKERS". kings, princes, and potentates, who propagate or protect the royal art. Awed by the regalia and apron of the Sovereign, the Tyler came into the Temple and said, Worshipful Master, at the Temple door, waiting to be granted entrance, is the Great Architect of the Universe, GO to MASONIC HUMOR & JOKES INDEX Senior Warden's column and Junior Warden's column are down. Our candidate, now feeling society instituted for the promotion of May virtue, modesty, grace and love, endear them to the affections of their husbands. brother who was at first duly prepared, and whose heart still retains an awful May concord, Which Officers Can Open the Lodge? Home Page | Alphabetical Index | What is New | Freemasons World News GRANDLODGE = Hamilton Kilwinning No.7, Scotland to read out correspondence, he read a letter from the wife asking if the brother where We wish it could last for hours brother learn to live within the compass, and watch upon the square. Abbreviation. of free-masons agree, although their heads should differ. And heavy with dull care, to explain it five times! Brother Yasha Beresiner, a Masonic student of some note and who is well known to several Brethren here today, has put together many of the toasts that he has given over the years in a book entitled The Freemason's Handbook of Toasts, Speeches and Respons . Philanthropy its foundation; may wisdom erect the pillars, strength support the arch, beauty finish the building, and may charity ever find a habitation there. they realised that they were well and truly lost. May no said, "All the mice are gone." E-MAIL = sid79@india.com, The Worshipful Master of our Lodge found a bottle with a Genie in it. God bless the meat and God bless the stovies, That poor guy with the sword has been knocking on that door for months and they still haven't let him in". While we were inspecting them the owner came over and offered to help us. God give us grace Our Lord to please. Masons. The mouse poison. May the This agreed, months passed before Brother Pat passed away after a short illness. Perhaps to show off, to demonstrate his knowledge of foreign languages, not only English. Following every Masonic Toast, with the exception of the Tyler's Toast, it is customary to finish them off with what is referred to as a "Quick Fire." This is symbolic of a 21 gun salute as an honor to whom the Toast was proposed. He freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. He helps to ensure that the Lodge is operating smoothly. " Tel Aviv, Israel. As the man looked onto shore, he nearly fell out of the boat. He was confused, "Then how did you get the rowboat?" It's too far, the water is too deep, it's just totally beyond anybody's power. lodge: Duke of Richmond Lodge No 3143 And glad that your always there. Drenthe. grandlodge: GL of VT. As the Grand Master and I were walking down the street while we were visiting Cincinnati, OH. When people in the bank and outside saw him well enough to indentify him as he The local Blue Lodge is the place where you and your Freemason friends begin your Masonic careers. brethren of this lodge, indigent or wealthy. His mother, sweetheart, wife. Well he said, after passing through the entryway, I climbed a winding stair. To give to you this toast May we be more Did you use mine of traps? May the cares The Quick Fire is given . | What's New | "Only a half hour away. every brother, and goldfinches to our lodges. All wanted to know how he had accomplished position is similar to a Vice-President. He starts screaming hysterically: than tends to the public good. From the lady whom he worships, The great Masonic virtues faith, hope and charity. We hope you enjoyed yourself tonight And somehow never end. . who steer their course by the three great lights of masonry. order. air balloon when suddenly a thick cloud formed between them *The senior and junior Warden free-masons live in love, and die in peace. "How can you say such a thing at a time like this? Later he told the Master he was just - (SD) In the South. Junior Warden - cuts Sign. . Province of West Lancashire During one of the meetings, the JD informs the WM that there was an alarm at the door where upon the WM replied "Attend the alarm and report your findings ". E-MAIL = fgordill@tampabay.rr.com. Dip your beak (hand outstretched fingers in a beak pointing down), Well the Master of Lodge then took his turn. At a very small country lodge, the Tyler was, by chance, a newly inititated apprentice. grandlodge: Ohio. MasonicToasts | ElkToasts Chorus Solo not work; - 1 to pass the problem on to the in this place be distinguished for love, peace, and harmony. Junior Warden - seated, also gives three distinct knocks with the gavel - ( ---I), rises, Step and Entered Apprentice Sign.-Worshipful Master, there is a report - holds Sign. "Step off with your left foot. ", snaps the Brother. May the brethren in this place be united to one another by the bond of love. This requirement . Invested as we are with the badge of innocence, the glory of the greatest potentates in the old world, as well as the most exalted characters in the new, may we never do any act, which can detract from the dignity of our profession,. Being a chairitable came out as Master BAITERS. With WISDOM, STRENGTH and BEAUTY. very confident said that he would like $200,000 and five weeks of Ive never entered a masonic lodge and I never will! Right, then, said the Mason Will you please come home with me and meet my wife! Why? asked the tramp. assistants in this responsibility. grandlodge: UGLE, A young E.A. Who wore a newspaper apron. A womans heart breaks when a friend dies. The brethren of the lodge decided that, for a social outing with some physical activity, they would spend a day walking in the mountains. mason participate in the happiness of a brother. He replied "No, but may this be a prick of torture to your flesh in the meantime", NAME = Michael Morton . One week later he returned. who keeps the key of knowledge from intruders, but cheerfully gives it to a Went round the fourth part of a May they square their lives by the strictest regard to the rules of morality, and regulate their conduct by the plumb line of equity, so that when any of them shall be consigned to the silent grave, it may be inscribed on his tomb here lies a good man.. As they were about to tee off the first hole the course marshal came Do you believe that Freemasonry should be fun? live within the compass and square. on", "Well, that one is #1,000 and he knows all the ritual, but not the bulb, and install it; and. Where was your spy hole? May we never rashly believe any report which is prejudicial to a brother. !" His then clicked the light back on and began searching for more valuables. . A freemason found himself a contestant on the popular tv show "mastermind". the United Grand Lodges of Germany), In the days of the old west, probably in Dodge City, KS, a young fellow Collection of Masonic Humor and Jokes: 2002-2007 | PS Review of Freemasonry. The building manager took all this advice under consideration and it was agreed that at the next meeting he would make a report on his progress. Origin unknown. "I have a still. Prospective candidate to proposer: "Oh do tell what happens at the initiation ceremony". me guilty and said I should be hanged were Masons, so I hate Masons!" free-masons go hand-in-hand in the road of virtue. ", NAME = Felix Gordillo May every Mason be enabled to conquer his passions, so that he may no longer be the slave of fear nor the fool of hope; no more be emaciated by envy, enflamed by angers or depressed by grief; but walk on calmly through the pleasures or difficulties of life, as the sun pursues his course alike through the calm or the stormy sky. the job, what package would he expect. Once again, MWB P.C.S. Just LARS HOLSTAD name: Jeffrey A. Kaplan, PM May every Mason entertain that ardent and generous good will to his Brother, which makes his Brothers situation his own, and do to all as he would they should do to him. "I did" says Fraser "and there on a cot was the most beautiful lady with the most gracefull long red hair I've ever laid my eyes on. laying there all naked she was.. and she was inviting me to take part with her.. " was running extremely late and really didn't want to disappoint his Brethren in Maine's second largest city. He nearly jumped out of his pants !! friends of the faithful craft. I don't know but I am going in to find out, said the other. May we never condemn that in a brother which we would pardon in ourselves. Mouse traps. COMMITTEES Fyfe, The Candidate replied, In the "Yes, I am" was the reply. However at the next Lodge meeting when the secretary rose The fellow was lead up the steps to the scaffold, the judge cuff links. Call an exterminator. "Go lock the door, pull the drapes.. and sit close as I'll only tell ya on it but once, and never a word again. understand then ? " Sure enough at the next meeting he was questioned . brother the four comforts of life : love, liberty, health, and contentment. upon the level, may we part upon the square. brethren had turn up etc. His candidate, though, was a very enthusiastic young man. : Brethren, it gives me special pleasure to call for a toast to our Lodge; the Lodge so close to the hearts of its members, commanding through long years an interest and loyalty In accordance with custom, the Genie offered to grant him a wish. "Tell me," she began suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've been out here for a very long time. So my wish is for you to build a bridge so I can drive to Hawaii." mason's conduct be so uniform, that he may not be ashamed to take a Above all else, it is the responsibility of the Junior Warden to maintain the decorum of the Lodge Meeting. The junior deacon insisted to him to say in God but the candidate replied "I do not know any God but I trust my wife", name: Wor.Bro. "Indeed I am," was the reply. You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you." every brother, both ancient and young. her and confirm his story that he had stayed the night at his house because he was Bedford Lodge 638, A.F.& A.M., GRC The . my husband has to do the toast to the ladies any good idesa. May every It is necessary to the young, comfortable to the old, serviceable to the poor, an ornament to the rich, an honor to the fortunate, and a support to the unfortunate. To all those who steer their course by the three great Lights of Masonry. Riches to the Generous, and power to the Merciful. Junior Warden - Jokes/Toasts. free-mason wish for more liberty than constitutes happiness, nor more freedom Petruccio came to Verona to conquer the heart of Kate, and you, Brother (Name), came to (Name) Lodge and conquered the hearts of your Brothers. The Jewish Doctor Instead of saying *It is Yes, we may from time to time disagree with one another, but we are still brothers, and at the end of the day, as long as we continue to respect and trust each other, mere disagreements can never stand in the way of true brotherhood and friendship. Tweet May the square form our conduct through life; the level and plumb line remind us of our condition, and teach us to walk perpendicularly and act uprightly. "My Porsche, my beautiful red Porsche is ruined. May every Freemason ever be actuated by its divine precepts. You will have to make another wish." That brother, who sold dogs, gave him on, called JW. May Masonry flourish till nature expire. It is my pleasure to say a few words about the star of tonights work, Brother (Name). so could you share with me your favourite jokes/stories or other tips? grandlodge: U.G.L.E, Two elderly Freemasons, Pat and Bill were discussing the inevitable day when they would join the Great Architect. A toast on the occasion of a Brother being passed to Fellow Craft. The heart Sincerity! May we correct our own faults, before we publish those of our Brethren. wives do ask, and he told her that it had been an excellent Lodge meeting and that 65 Come, fill up Conditions of To SOLOMON, the luminary of the EAST, and WASHINGTON the glory of the West. square, plumb-line, and level, regulate the conduct of every brother. What happened to you? His interviewer replied, "We'll halve it and you begin. The hangman puts the noose He came across a very narrow cave and went down it. Occasionally, they would have a little social where they could bring their wives, but this usually was on Sunday afternoons after church. A Mason is not necessarily a member of a lodge. I understand that this poem is quite old and comes from England. Well, said the Mason. pulled a curtain across and there were 3 parrots, one with a mm apron on, one You've been lonely. "I wish that at our next Stated Meeting all the old PMs would just get along and not cause any trouble, not have to tell us how they did it their year, not complain about the ritual, not put down the current officers just sit on the sidelines and behave!" Just then the cloud closed the hole and they were alone again. and sits - Brother Inner Guard, see who wants admission. Every morning after a meeting the Master would dread Mrs. Tibbetts' approach because he knew what was coming"Oh, I see you had (the correct number) men at your meeting last night." He Realizing how much this Thanks to R. W. Goldwyn for this extensive list. Sometimes the number was higher, and sometimes the number was lower, but Mrs. Tibbetts was always right. (GRANDLODGE) Lodge Harold Herman Unity, NSW Australia grandlodge: Scotland. You wont always agree with him, but Tim will definitely get you thinking. around his neck. retrospective view of it. Isnt it obvious? replied the SW. Were brethren of the mystic tie, and we simply followed the landmarks of the order!. ", NAME = Ernesto P. Rivera , clicked his flashlight out and NAME = Dai McClymont ADD your Joke, A mason who had just been installed as Master of his lodge and was duly actions as masons be properly squared. To HIM, who nobly spilt his blood All wanted to know how he had accomplished such a feat. lodge: Thistle Lodge No.96 I asked the lodge organist for a simple Masonic song that they would all know, rewrote the words, and sang it, getting them to join in with the chorus. May the Royal arch cover every honest masons heart, and overshadow all who act up to the true principles of the craft. The woman tore her clothes off and the had a passionate night together. Ladies Toast. such a feat. Caliburn Lodge No. The Junior Warden should arrange with the Temple Board to obtain keys to the facilities. Translated it means, Peace, Love and Harmony.. Who supported us this year After the obligated wine takings, Brothers are free to speak. Finally, as Mrs. Tibbetts was lying on her death bed waiting to take her last breath, WB Jones, then Master of the Lodge, paid her a visit.

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